Rough Draft Major Writing #1

Please provide your feed back on my first draft of my paper.

Comments

  1. UnknownSeptember 10, 2018 at 5:29 PM

    My overall overview of this report is that it is structured great and is a solid paper. You did a great job with your conclusion and informing what genres and examples engineers write in, which is the purpose of this paper. Your topic sentences introduced each paragraph and you supported that topic sentence with quotes throughout the paragraphs. The introductions at the beginning of the paper and beginning of academic subtitle and non-academic subtitle introduced each topic well.

    The three suggestions I would give about your report would be transitions, sources (in-text and reference page), and small grammatical mistakes, which is easily fixable. First, transitions throughout the report and at the end of each paragraph is important to help the report flow better. You could use transitions like: For example, although, in contrast, etc. At the end of each paragraph, you want to have a small transition to help flow to the next topic.

    Next, the sources used in your paper really helped explain the topic of that paragraph. All your interview quotes in the paper need to have (personal communication, date) after each of the quotes. Other in-text citations need the year and page number or paragraph number if you have. In the reference page, each sources lines to follow the first needs to be indented.

    Last, there are a few grammatical mistakes throughout the paper, which I marked on the actual draft given to me. Each paragraph should start indented. Your page 7 is a very long paragraph so I suggested to split that into two or three paragraphs instead of one long page. This is a good report with just a few suggestions to help improve it. Good job!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Leah Zellner Rhetoric BlogSeptember 13, 2018 at 6:04 PM

    My overall impression of your paper was great. I thought the structure was good especially having the topics and sub headings. It was well organized and very formal. All of your paragraphs had a good ending to them. I also thought that you had a very strong conclusion. The organization of your paper really helps keep each paragraph on topic. Topic sentences were great!

    One of my suggestions for your paper would be to use transitioning words more often to add quotes. You could use for example, in addition, etc. These are very important for the flow of your paper. Your main mistakes with this were when you were incorporating your quotes. I noticed that you had a few drop quotes. You want to stay away from a stand alone quote because then it is unsupported.

    I also think you should use more of your other resources and not just your interviewee. We had to use at least six references so with that said you should have a few more quotes in your paper. I would add more in the first few paragraphs. Lastly, you have a few spelling and grammatical errors in your essay. You misspelled words and you also used certain words in the wrong context. I corrected most of them, but I would check again while you are revising it. Make sure to indent your paragraphs. Other than that your paper was great! Good job!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Three Sources

https://www.britannica.com/technology/engineering This article gives the background information about engineering. The article says what it takes to be an engineer and how to problem solve. This article always has some research to back up there information. Half of the article is academic and the other half is non-academic. It is written from the perspective of someone that knows about engineering. The article has very easy language to understand and uses words that most people know. https://www.engineersaustralia.org.au/For-Students-And-Educators/Engineering-Careers/What-Is-Engineering This article tells you about the different types of engineering, most people might not know that there is more then one type. It is information that most people don't know about. This article is most likely written for people who already have the understanding of certain types of engineering. This article is academic and written by someone that has a clear understanding of the difference betw...
Read more

analysis of proposals

a strength on the first paper is that they give you numbers so you can get a better understanding of what books actually cost. put evidence to how the government is trying to fix that. a weakness is that the sentences are choppy and they don't really flow. the second paper they clearly state the problem, the solution ect. so its easy to follow and understand. they use numbers that make us see what the problem actually is. I think that a weakness might be that she just needs to balance out every topic she keeps it short and sweet on the problem and solution but the justification part is longer then the rest. again the third paper uses number and scientific facts to prove the point. I think that with this one it doesn't clearly say what is what we have to figure out what the problem is and it should be easy to understand and know right away that that is the problem. I think that the meal plan one was the best i relate to that that is something I would like to change. Her proposal...
Read more

Topic Proposal Speech #2

the topic that I am picking is allowing people under the age of 21 to be in bars after 10 without getting in trouble. By doing that it will limit the amount of tickets that are given. Most people in a college town that are in the bars aren't 21. Every other country has the legal drinking age of 18 besides the United States.
Read more